Someone just accused me of being “too pretty” to understand shame.
Would it help if I told you I know what it feels like to hate my body so much I want to hurt it? Or feel so ugly and disgusted by it I cannot even look down when I am dressing?
So here. Here is my “ugly”. Can you see my sagging belly? Or the bumpy skin of my thighs? This is a photo from a recent shoot in which I was getting ready to be seen in my bathing suit. I was remembering all of the agony of what has been a LIFETIME OF SHAME.
I share with you the exposed me that in another time I would have died before revealing. Here.
The sags. The bumps. The imperfections. The pain.
Does that make it better? Do you believe me now that I have something that makes me relate to you?
Let me tell you about body dysmorphia:
IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE.
I hated myself most when I was “pretty” (aka skinny) enough to be a paid model. I may have looked “good” on the outside, but the real “ugly” was what was inside: self loathing, distrust and fear.
Here’s the deal:
BODY SHAME ACTUALLY HAS VERY LITTLE TO DO WITH APPEARANCE.
That is only the mind telling you there are reasons for what you feel.
Look a certain way, and THEN you can be happy. Be a certain size, and THEN you can finally like who you are.
Paste the smile. Paint the lips. Wear the spandex. Lose the weight.
TO HELL WITH THAT!
Your Body is Not what it Looks Like.
Beloved, Your Body is Who You Are.
*** Be Kind to your Body,
be Kind to your Self. ***
I love you.
