I’ve wanted to do a mud bath for as long as I can remember.

When I was 11, I saw a picture in a magazine of a lady in a fancy spa, lying in a bath of mud….

She had flowers in her hair, and she looked (in addition to “ridiculous, why would anyone lie in dirt?!”) somehow otherwordly glamorous … exotic… alluring… a queen.

She was the very image of what it would be like to do something – however absurd – strictly because you wanted to …

for the pleasure of it….

because you could…

because it FEELS GOOD.

and to hell with being practical or proper.

But it wasn’t for me?!

Oh no.

That kind of indulgence was for magazines, or movies, or frivolous rich people who were living out of touch with their purpose, their reason for being on the planet.

My purpose was in service… Service as sacrifice.

Even at 11 years old, I wanted more than anything to be in alignment and relationship with God.

And I believed – as my ancestors taught (literally: they were German missionaries) and as I learned by the experience of being used by my very human, suffering parents – that my purpose was to give myself away, that life was for suffering, and the highest expression of God was found in sacrifice.

But I woke up.

Cuz here I am 45 years later (!), and I DID IT.

I did something BECAUSE I WANTED TO. And because it made me feel good.

Finally at 56, I have wrestled into submission those voices which say pleasure for its own sake is a sin.

Finally, I have come to peace with knowing that I cannot serve you if I do not serve me.

And there in that mud bath, in that “pointless, wasteful and indulgent thing”, I found the experience of God

In Happiness. Joy.

Pleasure.

#BeGoodtoYourself

I love you